Fade Read online

  His yellow, feral eyes slid lower to the ground as he paced toward me. He snarled softly.

  My heart stopped beating. I drew breath to scream, knowing it would do me no good. I would die where I stood, unable to shift to meet his charge. I was mystical, and it meant nothing. All the lives I’d led over the centuries clung to me, binding me to humanity as surely as I’d ever been bound to Dace.

  Sköll leapt, knocking me backward.

  My head cracked hard against a rotten stump. Pain shot through my head, stunning me. For a minute, everything went black.

  Dace’s scream of fury split me wide open as my pain coursed through me and into him through our bond. Where his voice ended, his wolf’s howl began. They bled together, one into the other.

  Sköll fell on me, his teeth bared, and they screamed their rage as one.

  Claws dug into my legs where he pinned me to the ground. Time stood still as he snarled. His thoughts were crystal clear to me. I couldn’t shift, and he wanted me dead as surely as he wanted to kill the sisters. His greatest pleasure in life would be to rip me apart in revenge for what Odin did to his father.

  His teeth sank into me, and I screamed in agony, the pain beyond imagining.

  It hurt. Oh god, it hurt!

  I screamed again and then again.

  Sköll growled savagely. His teeth ripped through my side, tearing through muscle, bone, and organ alike.

  Something hit him hard.

  My flesh tore beneath his teeth as something flung him away from me.

  Dace roared in fury, man and wolf still screaming as one. The sound wasn’t in my head this time though. They were here. A white streak slammed into the black wolf.

  My blood spilled across the ground, and Dace howled.

  I turned my head to see him flash past me. He was as beautiful as I’d known he’d be. Dark streaks shot through his snowy white fur. Brilliant green eyes, as beautiful on the wolf as they were on the man, rolled in my direction. Everything I had been and everything I was ached to reach out and touch him, to run my fingers through his snowy white coat and feel, at least once in this life, what I’d loved in every other.

  I couldn’t lift my arm to do it. Everything faded, just as Ronan said memory did.

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  Dace’s wolf threw his head back and screamed in agony.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  We have to move her,” someone murmured far off in the distance, the feminine tone worried.

  I knew that voice somehow.

  “He won’t let us close,” someone else said.

  I struggled to open my eyes, to see. They refused to cooperate. Everything refused to cooperate. I was mired in thick mud, unable to feel anything or move.

  “If he doesn’t let us move her, she’s going to die,” a third voice whispered sadly.

  Were they talking about me? I tried to frown and tell them that I wasn’t dying. I was fine. Not even in pain.

  Something whined in my ear. The sound was tortured and broken. I knew that sound though. In this life and every other, I’d known that sound. I loved that sound and the animal that made it.

  I tried to reach for him, to comfort him, but everything went black.

  “Ari, baby.” My dad called to me in the darkness. I heard the tears in his voice. Splashes of water fell on my face. “I’m here.”

  I wanted to smile at him, to thank him.

  Something tugged at me.

  I felt different, like I was only half a person. Something was missing.

  My soul.

  Yes. Half of my soul was missing. I floundered, trying to locate it.

  A wall loomed in front of me, impenetrable and impossibly high.

  I whimpered at the sight … and faded again.

  “How is he?” Dad’s voice whispered through the darkness.

  “Not good,” a deep voice whispered back. Gage. What was he doing here? Why weren’t they with Dace? He was hurt. He needed them.

  “He’s no better?” Dad sounded weary and heartbroken.

  “If she doesn’t make it through surgery, I don’t think he’ll ever come back.” Gage sounded as sad as Dad. “I don’t think he’ll want to.”

  I wondered what they were talking about; who wouldn’t wake up. I tried to ask … and was driven under again.

  I floated this time, barely there.

  Everything felt like the echo, misty, and distant.

  A machine beeped steadily somewhere far off, but I ignored it. There was something important. Something I needed. I searched through my mind, trying to figure out the problem.

  The wall loomed again, preventing me from finding what I needed. Whatever I needed to find lay on the other side of the wall.

  Memory flickered.

  Brilliant green eyes shone with devotion.

  Dace.

  Memory flickered stronger this time. The words I’d heard earlier. They’d been talking about Dace. He lay somewhere on the other side of that wall, and didn’t want to come back.

  I battered at the wall, desperate to break it down, to find him. He couldn’t leave. He’d promised me he would never leave me, and I refused to let him shut me out now. I refused to lose him like I had my mom.

  I felt like I waded through mud again.

  I ripped at the bricks, clawing and tearing, but moving so slow.

  The machine beeped faster.

  A brick in the wall shifted a millimeter. Dust settled at my feet.

  I pushed at it again. It shifted an inch. I sobbed, tearing at the brick in desperation to break through to Dace and bring him back.

  Time moved in disjointed lurches. One minute I struggled through mud, and the next, I was clear. I went back and forth until everything hurt. I felt drained and weak.

  I ignored it all and kept tearing at the bricks separating me from Dace.

  My fingers started to bleed.

  The machine beeped faster.

  “Something’s wrong,” someone cried in alarm. The words sounded as if they came through a tunnel that went on for miles. Invisible hands grabbed at me, trying to pull me back. I shoved them away, unwilling to go anywhere without Dace. He’d promised not to leave me, and I needed him. The world needed him.

  A corner of the brick shifted out of place. A tiny beam of light trickled through.

  Dace! I screamed, trying to shove myself through that tiny hole, trying to find him. He couldn’t leave me. You promised, I sobbed, beating at the wall. You promised me!

  “She’s fading,” someone said.

  Arionna … . A sigh. Dace’s voice.

  The machine stopped beeping.

  Everything fell away.

  “I love you,” Dace whispered. His voice was an echo, a memory. He cried, just like Dad had cried. “Oh god, I love you.”

  I struggled to resurface, to tell him not to cry, and that I loved him too. I didn’t want him to be sad. So long as he was with me, everything would be okay. I couldn’t find my way to him though. Everything was dark, and I was so tired. I felt like a wisp of smoke. If I closed my eyes, I’d blow away.

  “Come back to me, love,” he pleaded, agony in his voice. “Please, come back.”

  “She’s gone,” someone unfamiliar whispered.

  “No, no,” Dace said, sounding broken. “I can’t reach her. I can’t …” His voice cracked. “Please, don’t take her from me.”

  Pain tore through me like a thousand knives stabbing into my flesh, but it didn’t come from me. It came from Dace. His heart was breaking, and I felt every shattering piece stab into me. His pain ripped me apart from the inside out, slicing and shredding through everything I was, melting me.

  The sensation stopped as quickly as it started.

  A howl of defiance tore through the air, flinging me skyward. Everything spun around me, black swirling as if I flew through a wormhole.

  I landed with a thud, then crawled to my feet. I knew this place.

  I turned slowly, trying to brace myself for
what I knew I’d see.

  The sight thrummed through me until I vibrated like a guitar string.

  Fenrir lunged against his chain, froth spurting from his mouth and flecking his fur with beads of white. A river of it flowed beneath his feet, cutting a canyon of desiccation into the rock. The ribbon-like chain around his neck stretched like a bowstring and snapped him back to the ground. Everything trembled as he landed. Even the massive rocks around us groaned in protest.

  Fenrir climbed back to his feet and prepared to leap. He stopped and sniffed the air.

  I stopped breathing as he turned his head in my direction. Rage seared into me, burning me everywhere it touched.

  His lips curled back from massive teeth.

  Arionna, come back to me.

  Fenrir growled, the sound shaking me from the inside.

  Please.

  Rock shifted and cracked as Fenrir lunged.

  I love you.

  I fled toward that voice.

  Someone held my hand and crooned to me. I would know that voice anywhere: Dace.

  My eyes fluttered.

  His crooning stopped.

  “Arionna?” My name was a whisper on his lips, hopeful and afraid to hope all at once.

  My eyes fluttered again.

  “I’ll go find Alex,” Ronan’s voice said from somewhere across the room.

  Ronan. I frowned and opened one eye. Sunlight poured in through windows across the room. I recognized absolutely nothing.

  “Love?” Dace’s voice trembled. His hand shook in mine.

  I turned my head slowly in his direction, scared I still dreamed. Bright green eyes met mine. His face was shadowed, like he hadn’t been sleeping.

  A memory whispered through me.

  “You tried to leave me.” My throat hurt. A lot. I frowned at Dace, upset and confused.

  His expression cracked.

  I frowned again, so confused. “Where am I?”

  “The hospital,” he said, raising a trembling hand and stroking along my face with his fingertips. “How do you feel?”

  “I don’t know.” Why couldn’t I remember anything? I wracked my brain. I remembered … pain. Shouldn’t I be hurting? “What happened?”

  “You died,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Sköll attacked you, and I couldn’t get there in time.”

  Sköll?

  Memory slammed into me hard, everything rushing back. Dace being hurt. Sköll and Hati. Ronan. Dace’s wolf. Geri and Freki. My eyes darted to Dace.

  “How did you … ?” I swallowed. My throat was on fire, the words barely there at all. “You were hurt.”

  “I’m fine,” he said.

  I looked at him and saw the truth for myself. He truly did heal quickly. Relief wound through me.

  “What time is it?” I turned my head, trying to see a clock.

  Dace hesitated, his eyes wary. “It’s two in the afternoon.”

  “I have classes.” I wasn’t sure why that seemed important, but it did.

  His expression went oddly blank.

  “What’s wrong?” I tried to lift a hand to him, to stroke his face as he did mine. My arm fell back to the bed. Not good.

  “Arionna, love.”

  I frowned when he said nothing further. I looked at him and noticed how tense and wary he stood. A flicker danced through me. “What’s the date?”

  “February twenty-first,” he said, watching me. “You were really hurt, Arionna.”

  February twenty-first. I’d been sleeping for over two weeks? I tried to adjust to that and couldn’t. It suddenly dawned on me why the light looked wrong. It was wrong. The world marched on while I slept. I swallowed. “Can I have water?”

  Dace reached behind him for a glass. He lifted me up in bed, bracing all of my weight, and put a straw to my lips.

  I sipped greedily and coughed, then slumped against him.

  He slid me gently back down in the bed, tucking the covers around me.

  “Is Mandy okay?”

  “She’s fine.” Some dark emotion floated through his eyes.

  “And the …” I took a breath, scared. “Sköll and Hati?” I whispered.

  He clenched his jaw. “They got away.”

  Fear shuddered through me. They were still out there somewhere. They would come back. The reasons for that raced through my mind. My eyes flew wide open. “Dace.”

  “What is it?” He stroked my face again, seeming so gentle and worried.

  “I know who we are,” I said, seeking his eyes with my own.

  “I know,” he whispered, still stroking along my cheek, trying to soothe me.

  “You know?”

  “I saw your thoughts in the woods that night.” He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed. “Ronan told me the rest.”

  “They’ll be back,” I said, moisture building in my eyes as I remembered Sköll. He’d wanted to kill me, and not because he had to either. He’d wanted to do it, just like I’d wanted to kill him and Hati both. “They’ll come for us.”

  Dace’s expression darkened. “I know. Ronan—” He snapped his mouth closed with a click. His jaw made that creaking noise again.

  “Ronan’s helping?”

  “Yes,” Dace sighed.

  “I saw us.”

  He glanced down at me.

  “How we were,” I whispered. “I saw how we used to be. We were … we were Geri and Freki. We were whole.” Saying it aloud felt strange. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe the word, because I did. It was more that hearing them aloud didn’t sound as crazy as it should have. Everything else I’d heard and seen, even when I’d known it was true, sounded crazy in a way. This didn’t. It sounded right. More right than anything else.

  Dace didn’t say anything, but his expression changed. Wariness grew in his eyes, causing them to cloud. A little sliver of fear wound its way through me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “You—” He broke off as my dad rushed into the room.

  “Ari!” Dad bellowed my name, a broad smile across his face.

  I tried to smile at him. It wobbled as I remembered him crying.

  Dace squeezed my hand and moved out of the way, making room for Dad at my bedside.

  He swooped in, leaning down and dragging me carefully into his arms for a hug.

  “I missed you, hon. Don’t ever do that again,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

  “I missed you too, Dad,” I said, trying to hug him. My movements were still weak, but better than my last attempt to move my arms had been. “How are you?”

  “Fine now, sweetheart.” He pulled back and smiled down at me, tears in his eyes.

  “Why am I here?” I asked.

  Dad’s gaze shifted away from mine as if he didn’t want to answer that question for me.

  I looked to Dace.

  For a long time, he stared at me, not speaking. Finally, his wolf nudged at the link between us. Our connection felt stronger than it had been before, though I wasn’t sure why or how.

  The wolf nudged again.

  A soft rumble slipped through my thoughts, but he didn’t try to come into my mind or let me into his, like maybe he knew I couldn’t handle it, but needed to reassure himself I was really okay.

  You saved me, I whispered to him.

  Sorrow rushed through our bond, and Dace’s expression crumbled. His head bowed beneath the weight of emotion. His shoulders shook.

  Dad noticed and cleared his throat. “I’ll give you two some time.”

  He backed away from the bed.

  “I’m okay,” I said to Dace as Dad and Ronan slipped from the room. I ached to reach out and put my arms around Dace, but I was too tired to move. I’m okay, I whispered.

  He stood quietly for a minute, his head still bowed, and his shoulders shaking. When he lifted his eyes to me, they were burning with moisture. Pain and sorrow pierced me, stabbing like knives into my heart. “You died trying to get in,” he said. “I killed you.”

 
; Tears coursed down my cheeks. I’d died and broken his heart. I didn’t know how to fix that. I didn’t know if it could be fixed. Everything he’d feared … I let it happen. “I’m here,” I said, “I’m alive. You didn’t kill me, Dace. You didn’t.”

  A strangled sob broke from his throat. He reached for me as sorrow cracked him wide open. His forehead pressed to mine, his eyes boring into mine. “I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m here,” I whispered.

  His tears fell like warm rain upon my cheeks.

  “There’s something you aren’t telling me,” I whispered half an hour later.

  Dace gripped my hand tightly in his, as if afraid to let me go. He no longer cried, but I didn’t think I’d ever forget that he had.

  “There is.” He gazed down at me, his expression fierce.

  “What?” I couldn’t breathe when he looked at me that way. His gaze contained so much love, so much devotion, as if what he and his wolf felt for me reflected in those eyes every time he looked at me like that. I thought maybe it did.

  “I want to show you.”

  I nodded, not sure what he had to show me or where.

  I didn’t feel any pain when he swept me up into his arms, blanket, IV, catheter and all, in another of those sudden moves of his. He was so gentle, his arms never touching the bandages winding around my abdomen as he cradled me in his arms.

  “Where are we going?” I rested my head on his shoulder, too tired to hold it up. I felt as if I hadn’t slept in weeks though, apparently, I’d done the exact opposite. Where the time had gone? I remembered so little of it. And unfortunately, Dace remembered every second of it.

  “Outside,” he said, carrying me from the room. He was careful not to jostle me, holding me securely.

  A nurse looked up from the desk as we passed, opening her mouth to say something. Dace shot her a glare, and she snapped her mouth closed, dropping back into her seat without a word.

  No one else tried to stop us as he carried me through the hospital and outside. I don’t think anyone had the nerve to try. The look in his eyes screamed I belonged to him and everyone else would do well to mind their own damned business.