Fade Read online

  “Kalei, Buka.” He inclined his head in the direction of the wolves rounding the pond, sounding as if he were speaking to equals.

  They stopped as soon as they were on our side of the water and sat back on their haunches, eyeing Dace. The stiff way they sat, with their backs straight and their ears standing upright, made both appear nervous, wary. The larger of the two looked at me and then back to Dace.

  “Yes. Arionna,” he said, answering some silent question.

  I wondered what that question was and then decided it could wait. The smaller of the two rose to its feet and took a hesitant step forward, wolf eyes on me. The animal looked calm enough, but I swallowed hard, my hands fluttering uselessly in my pockets.

  “Buka would like to greet you, Arionna. Will you allow it?” Dace’s eyes were on the wolves as he held his protective stance in front of me. She won’t harm you, he thought, not as formally as he spoke to the wolves. She’s curious. Don’t be afraid.

  Easy for him to say, I grumbled to myself, knowing he could hear me. He may have been used to frolicking with wild wolves. As he had so recently reminded me, however, my one and only previous encounter with a not Dace-wolf hadn’t exactly been of the frolicking nature.

  “Yes,” I forced out before I lost the nerve altogether. My voice squeaked. I cleared my throat and took a tentative step away from the protective warmth Dace provided.

  He moved forward as soon as I did, refusing to leave my side. I didn’t mind.

  “I will allow it,” I said, looking back to the wolves. I wasn’t sure I needed to be so formal, but I decided to take my cue from Dace.

  The largest wolf, Kalei, remained seated. Buka whipped her head around to look at Dace, a question apparent in the subtle tilt of her head. He chuckled under his breath, and she took another cautious step in my direction.

  What did she say? I walked forward again, my nerves no less shaky than they had been with my first step. Less than five feet separated me from Buka now. Her coat was a lighter gray than I’d originally thought. White streaks shot through the gray, like small highlights. She was lovely, but that did nothing to calm my nerves.

  She asked if you were one of the humans they put in places with bars on the windows. His voice in my head was half-wry amusement and half-serious question, as if he were having trouble deciding on the answer himself.

  “I’m not crazy,” I protested, my fear momentarily replaced by irritation. I took another step and scowled at him.

  Buka shot a reproachful look in his direction.

  I watched Dace out of the corner of my eye, the majority of my attention still on the wolf. Two feet now. I took another shuffling step, less hesitant this time.

  “What?” I asked him, frustrated that he had to translate.

  “She wonders why you’re not afraid of her.”

  “Oh, I am afraid,” I said, looking back to her, “but I know I’m safe.”

  She turned her head in Dace’s direction, not breaking eye contact with me.

  “Why?” he asked aloud. Her question.

  “Because Dace is here,” I explained to her. Maybe I would freak out later, but walking toward her didn’t seem so overwhelming with Dace so near. He spoke of them as friends, and apparently that made a difference somewhere in the far reaches of my mind … or enough of a difference to keep my feet moving forward anyway.

  They wouldn’t hurt me; Dace would ensure that.

  Buka closed the distance between us and stopped, sitting back on her haunches as she had after entering the clearing. She cocked her head to the side.

  “You trust him?” Dace murmured. Her question again, but his tone.

  “I do,” I confirmed, slightly breathless at the awe in his voice and the situation in general.

  Buka regarded me with serious, yellow wolf eyes for long moments. She looked like she searched my face for something that would prove those simple words false. She would find nothing there though. I’d spoken nothing but the truth. I trusted Dace with my safety.

  She bowed her head then as if nodding and sniffed the air around me. The soft sighing sound relaxed me further. She whined and sniffed again.

  I looked to Dace for explanation.

  ”She thinks you smell like wildflowers.”

  “I do?” I smiled at her. “Thank you.”

  She inclined her head, the movement graceful, regal almost.

  “Will Kalei join us?” I asked her, looking to Dace as well.

  A small frown played at the corners of his mouth. He turned to Kalei, who had not moved an inch since Buka stepped forward to meet me.

  “She will wait,” he said firmly, more a command to her than an answer to me, I think.

  She tilted her head, but otherwise didn’t move.

  “I don’t mind, Dace, truly,” I said, watching her. She seemed more majestic than Buka, more dignified. Buka reminded me of a small child in a way. Grown up and huge, but curious and very inquisitive at the same time. Kalei didn’t bring to mind curious children, but wizened elders and endless patience. The contrast was interesting to say the least.

  “She will wait,” Dace repeated, more softly this time.

  I didn’t press the issue, and turned back to Buka. “May I touch you?” I inched my hand toward her head.

  Her eyes darted in Dace’s direction and then back to me, her tail pointing straight out, and her neck strained. Obviously excited at the thought of me petting her.

  Dace sighed. “You might as well,” he said to me, resignation tingeing his voice. “I have a feeling you will anyway.”

  Probably.

  Buka huffed and leaned down, her head bowing toward my outstretched hand. I hovered over her thick, gray fur for a brief second and then touched. The softness of her fur took me by surprise. I expected it to be rough, wiry even, but it wasn’t. I stroked my fingers through the silky fur between her ears, loving the feel of it slipping through my fingers.

  She rumbled in her throat, almost like a cat purring, and thumped her tail on the ground.

  “You like that?” I laughed at her reaction and scratched her ears.

  The last vestiges of fear fell away as she rumbled, the sound like the purring of a cat.

  I smiled, digging my fingers into her fur and scratching.

  “You’re going to kill me,” Dace groaned from his place at my side.

  Buka looked at him, almost glaring, and I laughed.

  “Yes,” he said, sounding put upon. “She likes you, too.”

  “I do,” I said happily. I truly did like her. She wasn’t at all frightening when rumbling her appreciation as I stroked her head. I felt ridiculous for having been so afraid.

  She stretched up onto her hind legs and licked a quick, wet line across my throat.

  Air hissed between Dace’s teeth.

  Buka sat back on her haunches before I could process what she’d done.

  Why did she lick me?

  Dace swore and dragged me backward, his wolf’s furious growls pouring into my mind. Buka whimpered once as my hand left her head, but she didn’t attempt to follow me.

  Kalei rose to her feet, a growl emanating from her throat.

  I cried out, alarmed by their reactions more than Buka’s behavior.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked Dace, his expression making my heart thump hard. His face was like granite, his scowl severe. Storm clouds moved through his eyes as he stared down at Buka.

  Buka whined and hung her head.

  A howl sounded somewhere in the woods.

  “Dace.” I put my hand on his arm, truly alarmed by the tension radiating around the clearing. As soon as I touched him, his emotions whipped through me. Anger and jealousy stabbed like needles.

  He jerked his arm from my hand, crouching slightly, as if ready to leap at Buka.

  “What’s wrong?” I pleaded with him, not understanding his sudden, savage change of mood. I looked to Buka, who whined and sank lower to the ground. Tears burned up my throat. I didn’t understand what wen
t wrong or why, but Dace was furious at Buka, and he wouldn’t tell me why.

  “What did I do?” I whispered to her, a tear slipping down my cheek.

  She whined again.

  Before I could so much as blink, Dace had his arms around me, holding me protectively to his chest. The palpable tension disappeared. So did the anger and jealousy I’d felt moments before. “You did nothing wrong,” he rasped. He touched his hand to my cheek and groaned. “Don’t cry, Arionna. Please, don’t cry. It’s not your fault.”

  “What happened?” I whispered. I couldn’t have said why I’d even started crying, but I felt emotionally drained. The day was taking a toll, I guess. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “What did I do?”

  Buka whimpered at my feet.

  “You didn’t do anything,” Dace said into my hair and then drew a deep breath. “Buka welcomed you. I wasn’t expecting it and neither was Kalei.” He didn’t sound pleased by the fact either.

  Neither did Kalei for that matter. She was still growling low in her throat.

  “Is that a bad thing?” I asked, leaning away so I could look up at him.

  He hesitated for a long minute and then wiped tears from beneath my eyes with the pads of his thumbs. “I—” He blew out a sharp breath and leaned his forehead against mine. “Remember when I said the wolf side wants to claim you?”

  I did indeed remember that. Vividly. I nodded.

  “He doesn’t want to share you. When Buka welcomed you … .” Dace pulled me back into his arms, squeezing me tightly. I got the feeling the wolf wasn’t the only part of him having trouble with the situation.

  “But she didn’t do anything,” I said, still confused. All she’d done was lick my … “Oh,” I muttered as realization dawned. “She marked me somehow?”

  He nodded and frowned down at Buka. His wolf’s frustrated growl still echoed, his displeasure as evident as Dace’s. “She likes you. Very much.” Dace’s voice was tight, strained. “She claimed you as one of her own.”

  Buka thumped her tail on the ground, her head still lowered.

  “Oh.” I couldn’t help but smile at her. “I like you too, Buka.” I looked back to Dace.

  He frowned, glancing between the two of us.

  “Um, what does claiming me entail?”

  “For you?” Dace asked, his expression a puzzle to me. “Nothing. For Buka? It means protecting you with her life if it comes down to it.”

  “Oh.” Tears welled in my eyes. I turned from Dace and dropped to my knees in front of Buka. I didn’t want her to die to protect me, but I understood what she’d done meant a great deal. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  She rose to her feet, and I wrapped my arms around her neck. Hugging her felt completely natural.

  Dace grumbled, obviously irritated by our display, but he didn’t say anything about it. “She thinks you’ll make a wonderful little sister.”

  His wolf growled once more, and then subsided.

  “Thanks.” I grinned at Buka. I didn’t know anything about wolves or their customs, but being accepted so readily humbled me. I only hoped she never had reason to give her life to protect mine. That would be awful.

  I squeezed her neck a final time and then rose to my feet to reclaim my place by Dace’s side. He looked at me with the strangest expression, part confusion, part awe, part pride, and part something else I couldn’t even begin to decipher. The lights in his eyes sent a current zinging through me, making my stomach clench. The desire to feel his lips against mine waved through me.

  Behave, he warned with a groan before turning back to Kalei. “We must speak, sister.”

  Kalei seemed to sigh, and then her massive head dipped low and rose again.

  I waited beside Dace as he and Kalei stared at one another, not exactly aggressive, but with respect that the other was an equal and could be dangerous. He stepped forward to meet her just as she stepped forward, leaving me standing beside Buka. They seemed so serious. Odd that a wolf could seem serious, but Kalei did.

  The way Dace and Kalei approached one another was vastly different than how he and Buka interacted. He hadn’t seemed so formal or wary with Buka. With Kalei though, Dace met alpha to alpha, truly equal. He stood rigid and yet loose, as if prepared to leap at any moment. Kalei’s stance mirrored Dace’s.

  I watched them, fascinated.

  Buka stepped up next to me, butting her head against my thigh. I dug my fingers into her fur and held, my eyes not leaving Dace and Kalei. Buka didn’t seem to mind my inattention. She sat on her haunches beside me, her head trained in their direction as well. Though, I grimaced to myself, she spoke wolf and knew what they were saying. They could have been discussing the height of trees for all I knew.

  Oddly though, I felt if I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough, I could make out what he and Kalei were saying to one another. I had enough sense not to test my theory. Dace and his wolf were already edgy. I didn’t want to make that worse and possibly create a rift between him and Kalei that couldn’t be easily mended.

  Call me crazy, but I had a feeling her wolves hadn’t decided to make the area home out of the blue. They’d been drawn here by the same thing that brought me and Dace together. I wasn’t sure if they even realized that, but I knew it to be true.

  Story of my life. Since arriving, I’d understood next to nothing, but my mind continued accepting these impossible things as true. Didn’t matter how scary or extraordinary they seemed, once the initial shock wore off, the pieces slipped into place as if they belonged there.

  The feeling was enough to drive a girl crazy.

  But, as previously established, I didn’t need a shrink. Everything I’d seen and felt was as real as, well, as real as Buka. With my hand clutched in her fur, I couldn’t doubt her existence for a minute. “I wish you could tell me what’s happening,” I said, rubbing a bit of silky fur between my fingers.

  That same pleased rumble from earlier sounded in her throat.

  We stood silently for another long moment, watching Dace and Kalei.

  Kalei dipped her head low to the ground then back up. When Dace returned the formal gesture, Buka rose to her feet, and with a final butt of her head against my thigh, padded across the clearing to Kalei’s side. Without further ado, the wolves turned and departed.

  Dace watched them until the shadows on the far side of the pond obscured the wolves, then he turned back to me. I couldn’t read his expression. I couldn’t get a sense of what he felt either. He’d shut me out again, and wasn’t that frustrating?

  He reached for my hand and I placed it into his with a small sigh, the feel of his skin against mine easing some of my frustration.

  “How big is the pack?” I asked.

  “Hmm?” Dace glanced at me, obviously distracted. He nestled me into the crook of his arm before walking back the way we’d come.

  “How big is the pack?” I repeated. “You said we were meeting a pack of wolves. That was two.”

  “Oh,” I heard the frown in his voice. “There are eleven of them altogether. I asked Kalei to leave behind those that were less accepting.”

  “All nine of the others disapprove of you?” I blinked, trying to process that.

  “No,” he said, leading me back into the woods. “They don’t all disapprove. I also asked that she bring as few of the others as possible. I wasn’t sure how they would react to you or you to them.”

  “Ah. And how did they react to me?”

  “Buka loved you,” he snorted. “Kalei found you surprising.”

  “I meant the others,” I said. I’d gathered as much about Buka and Kalei. It’d been obvious, even to the deaf human, that Buka accepted me and Kalei wasn’t sure what to think. “I thought you said they would both want to sniff me.”

  “I did.” Dace lifted me over the fallen log we’d crossed on our way to meet the wolves. “After Buka’s little display,” —his tone soured on that word— “I asked Kalei to refrain. I don’t think I could have maintained contro
l had she decided to pull a similar stunt.”

  “She wouldn’t have,” I informed him, confident of my assessment for some indefinable reason. “She’s not as excitable as Buka.”

  “Oh?” Dace stopped walking for a moment, surprise lacing the question.

  I nodded, feeling positive.

  “You’re right,” he said. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you bring out unexpected tendencies.”

  “Only with you,” I said.

  “Not only with me,” he disagreed. “Buka is second in command. She can be as formal as Kalei when necessary, and she never accepts a new pack mate that quickly, no matter how playful she can be.”

  “Oh.” I turned that over in my mind, not sure what to think. “Then why—?” I broke off, unsure how to phrase the question.

  “Why did she accept you so readily?” Dace hesitated for a moment. “She said you smell like kin.”

  “Like a wolf, you mean?” A little hum of expectation went through me. I hoped that maybe Buka sensed the animal inside me and could clue me in on what it meant. Knowing why Dace and his world felt so familiar to me would have been nice.

  “Not exactly.” Dace drew to a stop again.

  I stopped beside him, not foolish enough to attempt to hack my way through the woods without his handy night vision. I’d never make it.

  “It’s more like a memory. Remember what you felt last night?”

  I’d wanted to kill Ronan. How could I forget that? I nodded.

  “I felt it then, too. It’s not necessarily what you are, so much as what you were. You feel familiar. To Buka as well,” he added after a moment.

  “Oh.” He’d said last night that maybe I’d been a shifter in a previous life or had an ancestor with the ability. Maybe that’s what tried waking up inside me. A long lost memory of another life, jogged loose by recent events. I didn’t really believe that, but I had no other explanation for the hole inside me. “One more weird thing to add to the list, I guess,” I muttered under my breath with a slight shake of my head.

  “Do weird things happen to you often?” Dace asked as we resumed our trek through the woods.